It’s surely because of my job plus training which took a lot of my energy. I need to get up very early to do school bus chaperone, then concentrate, focus, and learn things for 6hours on training. On the second week my body gave up. And this was happened. I got sick.

Actually this is the simple thing or simple topic to say. Everybody get sick sometimes and it seems normal. But, what I feel is.. Why I become this weak? My mom can travel to 2 cities in a week and still works on weekend but she rarely get sick. Also my friend who works from 8-11 pm a day: she’s okay. Oh God, I want to be like them who can do many things they want without sick as a limit. May I?

I’m not only feel sick, I feel weak, bad, and sad.

But I’m going to be healthy again.amen.

This afternoon, I was driving home from hs, alone. In traffic, because of low concentration (I played with my bb, bad me bad bad bad), I hitted a taxi. It just a little bit, I even didn’t notice it until the taxi stopped and the driver went out from the taxi and asked me too. I was so frightened. Really. It was my first time and I didn’t know what to do. I just said sorry to the driver and asked what should I do. Then the driver asked my phone number and told I should go to the taxi pool. I said ok. And then that’s all, he back to the taxi because there were passangers waiting him.

I came back to my car, and continue driving. Still shocked, and scared also. I called ichsan then cried to him and told all the story. And as usual, he said it’s okay, he tried to make me calm down, and he would help me to solve the problem. After I gave the driver’s number, Ich called the him but no answer. Then he texted him said that he is my brother and would fix the problem, blabla.

I feel … U name it.

God, thanks for sent him to me. “Brother”.

Thank you my ich

Btw: still bad feeling now, I hope this problem will be solved well, as soon as possible.

i want to be a winner. now.

I wonder, why I should be an emotional people especially once a month when I’m on pms. I hate being angry, sad, upset, tons more awful than usual with undescribeable reason. I feel mess with my room, my laptop, movies I downloaded, my mom, my home. I hate them! I yell out loud and tired of that.

I need an escape. I need to go somewhere comfortable to keep silent and do nothing. Just lay down, feel the air, and take a deep breath.

And after that I need laugh, a lot of.

I want to live in a fairy tale. I want to have a perfect life. I want to feel happy all the time. I want all I want happened when I flick my fingers. There’s no doubt, I want that.

Now I want to sleep. And forget about life. Bye.

but i just can do:

at least for today.

i hate myself.

i am this

black

i feel to weak to do anything.

gue tetep harus presentasi bk nih? freak life.

i thought my life is perfect, unfortunately, i am totally wrong.

i even forget the way to smile. the way to laugh.

i hate the world

i hate my self.

thank you.

i won’t go to campus today. i feel sick.

night people.

i was pretty happy, yeah i think most of woman would take this as a compliment.

then, i see my face, my body in the mirror. and what?!  it look so bad. miserable.

one thing i remember : this miserable looked often comes  if i got busy, stress, sad, and other bad feeling.

where i am now? dunno.

the thing i know: tomorrow i’m going to have midterm test, and i feel like no one understand it, include my self.

i should study now, but u can see what i do now.

argh s*cccccccks. hhuuh i hate swear words

and the worst thing now: i hate home.

agak sotoy ni si emas, but he’s right, i think it’s time for thinking about that “thing” again, yeah. good luck nindia